Q and A with the King
Hey guys,
I’ve been receiving a lot of great questions from all you doers recently, so I thought I’d take time to answer them today.
Like I mentioned before, there’s no way I can personally reply to all the emails I get (can you believe that, as of this morning, there are48,789 men on this list, and it’s growing steadily by the hour), soI think the best thing for me to do is just answer the best questions via group email.
If I don’t, I may just lose my sanity—when I hit send and receive this morning, questions came in faster than I could open each email… and I wasn’t finished opening them before the next batch came in.
News of this whole Women Approach You Formula is spreading likewildfire, and I’m a bit awed by the whole thing. But, I do think it’s pretty cool,and I’m very happy so many men are genuinely interested in attracting desirable women (much to the chagrin of the girlie men in the media), so I might just teach the entire Women Approach You Formula after all. I am, however, still undecided about that.
Anyways, let’s get to the questions:
John—
Is there any difference between acting with what you're suggesting and being a "jerk"? If yes, how do you use to attract women WITHOUT being a jerk. Either way, i'll use it.
-William K.
-JA: Thanks for the question, William- this is actually one I get a lot, and it’s along the lines of another one I get quite a bit which is this: “do I have to change who I am to attract women using what you teach?”
The answer to your question is yes, there’s a huge difference. You see, jerks inadvertently create initial attraction because they’re very in the moment, unpredictable, they take the lead, and they can be fun and exciting for women to hang out with.
The problem is, most jerks don’t like women, have no self control in any aspect of their lives, and can be downright mean. They create initial attraction, but they can never sustain it—most jerks have a string of failed relationships or a lot of women in their lives who’ve they’re truly hurt.
The key is to “unbundle” the behavior that creates attraction from the dysfunction—that’s what a truly attractive man does. See, a man like this genuinely likes women, is in control of the situation and environment, and exhibits true personal authority, something no jerk has. A man (a doer) like this provides a feeling of security and protection for women, which is why he can sustain attraction, whereas a jerk cannot.
As far as the other question goes, (whether or not you have to change “who you are”), the answer is, you do not. As we continue with these email lessons (as well as the upcoming audios and videos I have for you), you’ll see that attracting desirable women really is all about amplifying your attractive qualities, and suppressing your unattractive ones- -that’s why I often call what I teach “natural attraction.”
Great question, William!
Hi John—
My question for you is, can you salvage and get back the attraction if you screw up? I met some body that I thought I never would she was everything. I was looking for in a woman that I didn't think existed. One of the strongest things was, she was a conservative. We met for coffee. We talked for a few hours. It was great we talked the following week didn't get a chance to meet.
I talked to her Sunday left a message for on Monday and Tuesday. Nothing on Wednesday, tried again on Thursday and Friday. Have not heard from her since then. Don't know what's going on, the last message on Friday I said. Everything OK, we were supposed to make some plans for this Saturday. Please call me to let me know were still doing something..... Been reading your e-mails trying to remember everything you said she was as close to a perfect woman for me, that I came across.
For over 10 years my goal is long-term relationship. We met through an online dating service and I have her cell number. All I have is the online services e-mail connection I would like to send an e-mail, but I'm not sure what to say especially if I might be reading into this more than there is.......... and the fact that I could be jumping to conclusions about knowing what is happening on her end. So there is a lot of information, left out. But this one even though that I know her a short time. She really got to me........... if you can respond to this would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your time
Scott
PS some of this might not make sense, because I'm using a dictating program. And the program has a tendency to and substitute words and right now. I'm having a difficult time checking for errors. Thank you for your consideration
JA: Thanks for the question, Scott, this is one I get all the time, and one I used to deal with myself. This one is going to be difficult to salvage because you let the personal authority swing over to her by calling her 5 days straight. This conveys several things, none of them good. It conveys desperation, doubt, attachment, scarcity, and lets her know she can have you any time. All of these by themselves are attraction killers—but together they’re deadly.
What you should have done was ended the initial meeting right when you were at the peak, but then set up another meeting then and there, leaving her with a feeling of anticipation… she wants more of what you just got. Then you should have continued attracting other women so you’re coming from abundance, not chasing after a woman you formed an attachment for based on a few hours of conversation.
Understand this: there’s no such thing as one, special woman. There are lots of special women, and the man who is truly attractive has his pick of them—that’s got to be your attitude. If you didn’t get a chance to watch the video I recorded on How to Get Rid of Your Attraction Killers, you can watch it now by going to:
http://www.johnalanis.com/moreattractive.html
I think you’ll see where you made your mistakes, and how to correct them. Can you get this one to call you again? Doubtful—but for now, just forget about her, pay attention to what I have to say, then reconnect casually with her in a month, and see if she’ll meet you.
Oh yeah, and if you missed my “Exude the ‘Tude” email, you can check it out on this blog, below.
I think you’ll find it quite helpful—after all, Blackie Lawless, Vince Neal, and David Coverdale never called a woman 5 nights in a row, and there’s a reason why.
Hey John,
I appreciate your very honest and well organized approach. A quick recap on my dating life here in NYC. I have no trouble getting dates. I'm 39, good looking, talented (musician), athletic (marathon runner)...etc...and have had four long term relationships (in the last 17 years) and many trysts in-between. In the past year, it seems like I've dated women who are not American born (Israeli, British, Bangla Desh, Brazillian, Russian) much more often than American girls who tend to be more whiny, demanding, cookie cutter...etc....
Re. your material, I actually am more of the "rock n roll" guy (since I am a musician and have a career in music magazine publishing) but very much want to be the "marriage and kids" guy.
Now, if a girl comes along who I very much want to sleep with, but she's not "marriage material", I'll still have my fun - but I am more interested in settling down. I loved your "qualifying" material, as I constantly do that. It just seems I can't meet the "right" girl for me. Like you, I want someone athletic who takes care of themselves and has a great sense of humor - musical and low maintenance is high on my list as well.
I think the biggest challenge is being consistent. It's natural to clam up around beautiful women, but be as loose and funny as possible around average and good looking women. The key is to be happy - relay that devilish smile - and just be comfortable. Already, your material has reaffirmed that with me. Treat hot women like I would my best friends...
Any advice for the aspiring "marriage and kids" wanna be?
Best - Jason
JA: Thanks for the great question, Jason—sounds like you’ve got a lot of great things happening in your life, and you have a good understanding of women. What you’re dealing with is actually not an attraction issue, it’s a time management issue.
Let me explain. If you’re ready to make the transition from a “rock-n-roll guy” to a “marriage and kids guy,” (and you’ve carefully thought this out), then what you need to do is sit down and come up with a very detailed description of your ideal wife. Get out a pen and a piece of paper, and write down everything you want in her, and then everything you don’t want. Be as specific as possible.
Then what you want to do is make a list of where a woman with those characteristics would be most likely to spend her time. After you havethat list (and I imagine the corner bar is probably not on it), what you want to do is spend your time in as many of those places as possible, deploying your attraction skills, always looking to disqualify quickly.
What this does is increases the probability of you attracting the right woman in the shortest amount of time possible. This is a process any man can use-- obviously the specifics will be the different for each guy, but the process is exactly the same. Oh, and don’t limit yourself by geographic area—if your ideal woman is not likely to reside in the US, then get thee to a place where she’s likely to be.
Thanks for the great question Jason, and let me know how it turns out.
OK guys, that’s it for this time around- you guys sent in some great questions, and I literally have hundreds of them sitting in my inbox unanswered. I’ll try to get to some more later on.
Keep ‘em coming, I enjoy hearing from all you doers out there.
On with the fun….
-John Alanis“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”
PS Be on the lookout for an email from me tomorrow—I have a really cool,“War Story” for you to learn from. I still shake my head when I think aboutthis one—still can’t believe I pulled it off…
I’ve been receiving a lot of great questions from all you doers recently, so I thought I’d take time to answer them today.
Like I mentioned before, there’s no way I can personally reply to all the emails I get (can you believe that, as of this morning, there are48,789 men on this list, and it’s growing steadily by the hour), soI think the best thing for me to do is just answer the best questions via group email.
If I don’t, I may just lose my sanity—when I hit send and receive this morning, questions came in faster than I could open each email… and I wasn’t finished opening them before the next batch came in.
News of this whole Women Approach You Formula is spreading likewildfire, and I’m a bit awed by the whole thing. But, I do think it’s pretty cool,and I’m very happy so many men are genuinely interested in attracting desirable women (much to the chagrin of the girlie men in the media), so I might just teach the entire Women Approach You Formula after all. I am, however, still undecided about that.
Anyways, let’s get to the questions:
John—
Is there any difference between acting with what you're suggesting and being a "jerk"? If yes, how do you use to attract women WITHOUT being a jerk. Either way, i'll use it.
-William K.
-JA: Thanks for the question, William- this is actually one I get a lot, and it’s along the lines of another one I get quite a bit which is this: “do I have to change who I am to attract women using what you teach?”
The answer to your question is yes, there’s a huge difference. You see, jerks inadvertently create initial attraction because they’re very in the moment, unpredictable, they take the lead, and they can be fun and exciting for women to hang out with.
The problem is, most jerks don’t like women, have no self control in any aspect of their lives, and can be downright mean. They create initial attraction, but they can never sustain it—most jerks have a string of failed relationships or a lot of women in their lives who’ve they’re truly hurt.
The key is to “unbundle” the behavior that creates attraction from the dysfunction—that’s what a truly attractive man does. See, a man like this genuinely likes women, is in control of the situation and environment, and exhibits true personal authority, something no jerk has. A man (a doer) like this provides a feeling of security and protection for women, which is why he can sustain attraction, whereas a jerk cannot.
As far as the other question goes, (whether or not you have to change “who you are”), the answer is, you do not. As we continue with these email lessons (as well as the upcoming audios and videos I have for you), you’ll see that attracting desirable women really is all about amplifying your attractive qualities, and suppressing your unattractive ones- -that’s why I often call what I teach “natural attraction.”
Great question, William!
Hi John—
My question for you is, can you salvage and get back the attraction if you screw up? I met some body that I thought I never would she was everything. I was looking for in a woman that I didn't think existed. One of the strongest things was, she was a conservative. We met for coffee. We talked for a few hours. It was great we talked the following week didn't get a chance to meet.
I talked to her Sunday left a message for on Monday and Tuesday. Nothing on Wednesday, tried again on Thursday and Friday. Have not heard from her since then. Don't know what's going on, the last message on Friday I said. Everything OK, we were supposed to make some plans for this Saturday. Please call me to let me know were still doing something..... Been reading your e-mails trying to remember everything you said she was as close to a perfect woman for me, that I came across.
For over 10 years my goal is long-term relationship. We met through an online dating service and I have her cell number. All I have is the online services e-mail connection I would like to send an e-mail, but I'm not sure what to say especially if I might be reading into this more than there is.......... and the fact that I could be jumping to conclusions about knowing what is happening on her end. So there is a lot of information, left out. But this one even though that I know her a short time. She really got to me........... if you can respond to this would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for your time
Scott
PS some of this might not make sense, because I'm using a dictating program. And the program has a tendency to and substitute words and right now. I'm having a difficult time checking for errors. Thank you for your consideration
JA: Thanks for the question, Scott, this is one I get all the time, and one I used to deal with myself. This one is going to be difficult to salvage because you let the personal authority swing over to her by calling her 5 days straight. This conveys several things, none of them good. It conveys desperation, doubt, attachment, scarcity, and lets her know she can have you any time. All of these by themselves are attraction killers—but together they’re deadly.
What you should have done was ended the initial meeting right when you were at the peak, but then set up another meeting then and there, leaving her with a feeling of anticipation… she wants more of what you just got. Then you should have continued attracting other women so you’re coming from abundance, not chasing after a woman you formed an attachment for based on a few hours of conversation.
Understand this: there’s no such thing as one, special woman. There are lots of special women, and the man who is truly attractive has his pick of them—that’s got to be your attitude. If you didn’t get a chance to watch the video I recorded on How to Get Rid of Your Attraction Killers, you can watch it now by going to:
http://www.johnalanis.com/moreattractive.html
I think you’ll see where you made your mistakes, and how to correct them. Can you get this one to call you again? Doubtful—but for now, just forget about her, pay attention to what I have to say, then reconnect casually with her in a month, and see if she’ll meet you.
Oh yeah, and if you missed my “Exude the ‘Tude” email, you can check it out on this blog, below.
I think you’ll find it quite helpful—after all, Blackie Lawless, Vince Neal, and David Coverdale never called a woman 5 nights in a row, and there’s a reason why.
Hey John,
I appreciate your very honest and well organized approach. A quick recap on my dating life here in NYC. I have no trouble getting dates. I'm 39, good looking, talented (musician), athletic (marathon runner)...etc...and have had four long term relationships (in the last 17 years) and many trysts in-between. In the past year, it seems like I've dated women who are not American born (Israeli, British, Bangla Desh, Brazillian, Russian) much more often than American girls who tend to be more whiny, demanding, cookie cutter...etc....
Re. your material, I actually am more of the "rock n roll" guy (since I am a musician and have a career in music magazine publishing) but very much want to be the "marriage and kids" guy.
Now, if a girl comes along who I very much want to sleep with, but she's not "marriage material", I'll still have my fun - but I am more interested in settling down. I loved your "qualifying" material, as I constantly do that. It just seems I can't meet the "right" girl for me. Like you, I want someone athletic who takes care of themselves and has a great sense of humor - musical and low maintenance is high on my list as well.
I think the biggest challenge is being consistent. It's natural to clam up around beautiful women, but be as loose and funny as possible around average and good looking women. The key is to be happy - relay that devilish smile - and just be comfortable. Already, your material has reaffirmed that with me. Treat hot women like I would my best friends...
Any advice for the aspiring "marriage and kids" wanna be?
Best - Jason
JA: Thanks for the great question, Jason—sounds like you’ve got a lot of great things happening in your life, and you have a good understanding of women. What you’re dealing with is actually not an attraction issue, it’s a time management issue.
Let me explain. If you’re ready to make the transition from a “rock-n-roll guy” to a “marriage and kids guy,” (and you’ve carefully thought this out), then what you need to do is sit down and come up with a very detailed description of your ideal wife. Get out a pen and a piece of paper, and write down everything you want in her, and then everything you don’t want. Be as specific as possible.
Then what you want to do is make a list of where a woman with those characteristics would be most likely to spend her time. After you havethat list (and I imagine the corner bar is probably not on it), what you want to do is spend your time in as many of those places as possible, deploying your attraction skills, always looking to disqualify quickly.
What this does is increases the probability of you attracting the right woman in the shortest amount of time possible. This is a process any man can use-- obviously the specifics will be the different for each guy, but the process is exactly the same. Oh, and don’t limit yourself by geographic area—if your ideal woman is not likely to reside in the US, then get thee to a place where she’s likely to be.
Thanks for the great question Jason, and let me know how it turns out.
OK guys, that’s it for this time around- you guys sent in some great questions, and I literally have hundreds of them sitting in my inbox unanswered. I’ll try to get to some more later on.
Keep ‘em coming, I enjoy hearing from all you doers out there.
On with the fun….
-John Alanis“The King of Let ‘em Come to You”
PS Be on the lookout for an email from me tomorrow—I have a really cool,“War Story” for you to learn from. I still shake my head when I think aboutthis one—still can’t believe I pulled it off…
